Use this mantra to set healthy boundaries towards others
Do you struggle with setting healthy boundaries towards others? Apply this mantra and see how your life and relationships change!
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Do you continuously feel like people don't respect your opinion?
Are you often being treated badly and in a way that you don't deserve?
Do you feel that people often neglect your needs and emotions?
You might struggle with setting healthy boundaries. Highly sensitive people and empaths are known to have a kind nature. As a result, when they don't set healthy boundaries, people will think that they are a push-over. Can you relate to that? Time to regain your power and show people where your boundaries are. In this blog, I'll share one wisdom with you that helped me to set healthy boundaries.
According to Souloftherapy, healthy boundaries are the space between you and another person. This can be both emotionally, physically or psychologically. Healthy boundaries protect your own needs and identity.
These boundaries are essential in order to have a good relationship with yourself, but also with the people around you. Moreover, they create a mutual feeling of trust and safety and protect you from toxic behavior and codependent behaviour.
If you don't set healthy boundaries, you might struggle in life. A lack of boundaries can result in multiple negative consequences.
- might do things or agree to do things that you in first instance did not want to do;
- feel exhausted or burned out;
- experience a disconnection from yourself. You do not know anymore who you truly are and what you stand for;
- struggle with resentment towards other people for pushing past your boundaries;
- attract people who know that you are a push-over and abuse your kindness;
- trust people less as a result of continuously being pushed out of your comfort zone.
As you can see, not setting healthy boundaries can result in many negative consequences for yourself. Time to learn how to tell people exactly where that boundary is!
There is one wisdom that helped me tremendously to set healthier boundaries. I discovered it in this podcast from Inner Integration. Write this mantra down and remember it whenever somebody pushes past your boundaries:
No is a complete sentence. - Susan Gregg
Take it in. Reflect on this sentence for a while. Repeat it to yourself day by day. This sentence will become a key player in your journey towards setting healthy boundaries. Whenever you struggle with boundaries, you will remember this sentence. Here's why:
When I talked with my sister about the topic healthy boundaries, she told me that she knows what I do wrong: In conversations, I leave the door open. As I don't want to hurt people when I set my boundaries, I often set my boundary, followed with a 'why'-explanation. This 'why'-explanation gives the other person the idea, that my 'door' is still open and that they can walk past my boundaries anyways.
They use my explanation for the 'why' as fuel to try to convince me to say yes or maybe. Therefore, the mantra above became a key player in my discovery of setting healthy boundaries for myself. I don't have to explain people why my no is a no. No is a complete sentence and they have to respect that.
It sounds easier said than done, I know. "I can't just tell people 'no' and walk away", you must be thinking. However, by practice, saying no will be easier. In the process of applying this mantra, I learned that I have two choices; either I let myself down to please somebody else, or I let the other person go and find themselves a better fit for their needs.
A while ago, I met a client who tried to negotiate on my hourly rate for my writing services. He tried to push my rate 17$ under my hourly rate, which is quite much over here in Europe. In this progress, he used all persuasion techniques that you can imagine, to turn my no into a yes.
In that moment, I had 2 choices; (1) I could agree to working for that rate and feel undervalued and bad about doing this job or (2) I could say no and give him the opportunity to find a better fit for his needs.
I decided to let that client go. In the end, my low motivation to work on this project would affect his results, which eventually would result in both of us being unhappy in the end. You see what I am trying to say?
By setting your boundary with a clear 'no', you allow people to move on and find a better match for their wishes. In addition, you value your own needs and self-worth.
Once you start setting healthy boundaries, you will acknowledge that some people will resist. After all, they are used to you always agreeing with them and doing whatever they wanted you to do. How dare you set healthy boundaries? ;)
When you set boundaries and you see that people resist, you have two options:
- You accept that this boundary of yours is trespassed. Sometimes we don't want to lose a specific relationship because of one disagreement. Determine for yourself how important it is for you to have your needs met in the specific area where you set the boundary.
- End the relationship. If you feel that your boundary is important to you and your identity, you should consider ending this relationship. It is hard, but sometimes it is for the better. When people cross your boundaries over and over again, you will have to deal with the abovementioned consequences. Don't let that happen and wave the relationship goodbye!
For a new project that I am working on, I am looking for highly sensitive people and empaths, who struggle(d) with setting healthy boundaries. I would love to connect with you and talk about a few concrete examples where you struggled with setting boundaries. If you are interested to learn more about this project, feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I look forward to hearing from you!